My Love Affair with Food

Gay, Rant, Story, Uncategorized

For the poor girl at Sonic’s who saw me aggressively consuming my tots and fry sauce, please forgive me!

They’re basically the love of my life at this point. Not that I’d want to consume the actual love of my life. Face palm.

Yep, I’m going to be single forever.

Anyway, I’ll try to keep the faces and grunts to a minimum next time!

Cheers!

The Cafeteria Cringe

Rant, Story

I realized long ago that I become more awkward in my attempts to be the exact opposite. Case and point, today. My lunch adventure.

About half way through lunch, my stomach started mimicking what I can only pin point as something a Sasquatch might sound like in distress. I casually kept clearing my throat every time this occurred as I was worried about people thinking I’m just letting the booty bombs go without a care in the world.

So embarrassing!

So, as a better alternative, I just continued to make people think I was about to give some grand speech in the cafeteria.

All in all, I think my attempts to hide Sasquatch’s screams didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.

Here’s to sitting alone at lunch due to your uncontrollable butt cheek screeches.

Cheers!

Late night avocado encounters 

Gay, Rant, Uncategorized

So, my hairs a mess. My shirts clearly been worn two days, and I could have potentilly forgot deodorant. Yeah, I know, but it’s 11:45 at night in a grocery store, so. No judgements.

Anyway. Here I am, rocking out to Tegan and Sara while looking at avocados, and wouldn’t you have it! An employee, wanders up and asks me if I’m finding everything okay. Completley normal for Him to ask, right? Right.

Then there’s me. “Yeah! Thanks! You know, just admiring these avocados!” Yeah, he smiled nervously and walked away. I need a muffin, now.

*Face Palm*

Another classic encounter.

All the best,

The Creepy Late Night Avocado admirer.

Dance it off, Darlings!

Gay, Uncategorized

Some days we just end up on our whoopee cakes.

The only advice I can give is to just dance, darling. I mean it. Go home, put on the worst guilty pleasure you know of, and dance your booty buns off. You’re without a doubt going to be the worst dancer you’ve ever seen, and that’s the point!

Trust me, my moves bring tears.

*Shivers*

Have You Had Your Moment?!

Gay, Lesbian, Rant, Uncategorized

At the ripe age of 29, I was rocking out to some music in the living room, while also eating a muffin and waiting for my pants to dry. You know, the typical gay males afternoon. Or wait, maybe that’s just me. Anyone want to have a dance off? Anyway, back to the story. I mean THE story. It’s good. Stay tuned, and yes I typically eat muffins before I put pants on.

While the muffin consuming dance off was happening, I noticed my dog looking at me. If you have a dog, you know this look. Tilted head, ears up, tail nervously wagging while they try to figure out how they got adopted by you, it’s really great. Then it happened, it REALLY happened. Yep, I started laughing, then I started crying. I know what you’re thinking, and no. I’m not deranged, my dog just ripped one. Alright, that isn’t the highlight of this story, as much as I want it to be.

In all seriousness, it was in that moment I randomly and might I say finally, realized I was completely okay and utterly ecstatic that I was Gay. God, that didn’t catch that moment right. HEYYY, I’M GAYYY!! Okay, neither did that.Truthfully though, this was huge for me. I’ve known I was gay since high school, and up until this day, I just couldn’t bring myself to feel confident in who I was.

This is where I really need to emphasize on the importance of doing your best to be confident in whoever you are despite the opinions and remarks you may get along the way. Go back and read that again. No, really. Again, and again, and again, until you’re just flat out annoyed with me. It’s cool. I can take it. I never want anyone to live without the confidence they deserve. You’re beautiful, rock that, and spread that into the world. We need it. Dance in your underwear, sing out of tune, and do it all without the least bit of hesitation.

So, YEP! That was the exact moment I stopped worrying about anyone finding out. Liberation, baby! Let me tell you! It was hilarious, and of all the memories I have, this one definitely takes the cake!

Moral of the story; Please be who you are without reservations and live life smiling and bringing joy to the world. You’ll be amazed at what happens.

Oh, and never trust dog farts. Yikes.