Mid-Day Traffic Shenanigans

Rant, Story

In retrospect, blowing a kiss to the driver who was tailgating me may not have been the reaction he was wanting, but his face was definitely worth the excessive honking, I must say!

His finger seemed to have some sort of glitch,too. Weird.

You may want to get that get looked at, friend!

Maybe he just really needed a hug.

Oh well!

On a side note, the skies here have been quite lovely!

Have a wonderful day, Beautiful people!

The Banana Snort 

Rant, Story

I think I have entirely to much confidence when consuming bananas in public. It seems to freak people out.

 Except for the dude who seemed to be on a very important call. I apologize, I should have never made eye contact. Poor dude started air laughing then snorted in an effort to breath. That’s my bad. Hope it wasn’t a phone interview.

First rule of banana consumption: Never make eye contact.

Jesus, Jered.

Coffee Shop Drooling Adventures 

Rant, Story

I think I just woke up snoring, there’s drool, my hairs NOT on point, and the potential butt crack show I just performed pretty much sums up the last two hours. 

Yep, I fell asleep in the coffee shop again. 

Least the coffee finally cooled down enough to drink.

Another succesful outing.

How on earth am I single.

Little Rosie and the Blue Journal

Gay, Rant, Story, Uncategorized

Awkward moment #246 that became cherished memory #362

Today, I met Rosie. Rosie was an elderly woman of rather short stature who’s smile melted my heart and perfume brought tears to my eyes. It’s okay, Rosie. You’re openness and love for life made it all worth it!

I saw little Rosie in the book store while I was looking for a new journal, and before I had the chance to make eye contact and say hello, a frail but confident voice blurted out; “Get the blue one with the ribbon! It’s so dandy, like you!” I smiled, and quickly turned around borderline hugging that exact journal and blurted out’ “Yes! Fantastic taste, my lady!”

Rosie continued on to tell me that she was just simply too old for me, but her granddaughter was in the market! I quickly begin to hide behind the journal trying to figure out how I can break the news that I am without a doubt as gay as a gay man can be.

Before I could respond, she starts laughing and presumes to tell me that she also has grandsons. During a serious case of the gut giggles, I tackle Rosie with a hug and thank her for making my entire week. Well, no. I didn’t literally tackle her. Poor thing.

Anyway. Thank you Ma’am for being so open and humble in this world, it’s truly refreshing and beautiful!

My Love Affair with Food

Gay, Rant, Story, Uncategorized

For the poor girl at Sonic’s who saw me aggressively consuming my tots and fry sauce, please forgive me!

They’re basically the love of my life at this point. Not that I’d want to consume the actual love of my life. Face palm.

Yep, I’m going to be single forever.

Anyway, I’ll try to keep the faces and grunts to a minimum next time!

Cheers!

The Cafeteria Cringe

Rant, Story

I realized long ago that I become more awkward in my attempts to be the exact opposite. Case and point, today. My lunch adventure.

About half way through lunch, my stomach started mimicking what I can only pin point as something a Sasquatch might sound like in distress. I casually kept clearing my throat every time this occurred as I was worried about people thinking I’m just letting the booty bombs go without a care in the world.

So embarrassing!

So, as a better alternative, I just continued to make people think I was about to give some grand speech in the cafeteria.

All in all, I think my attempts to hide Sasquatch’s screams didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.

Here’s to sitting alone at lunch due to your uncontrollable butt cheek screeches.

Cheers!

Late night avocado encounters 

Gay, Rant, Uncategorized

So, my hairs a mess. My shirts clearly been worn two days, and I could have potentilly forgot deodorant. Yeah, I know, but it’s 11:45 at night in a grocery store, so. No judgements.

Anyway. Here I am, rocking out to Tegan and Sara while looking at avocados, and wouldn’t you have it! An employee, wanders up and asks me if I’m finding everything okay. Completley normal for Him to ask, right? Right.

Then there’s me. “Yeah! Thanks! You know, just admiring these avocados!” Yeah, he smiled nervously and walked away. I need a muffin, now.

*Face Palm*

Another classic encounter.

All the best,

The Creepy Late Night Avocado admirer.